As I look upon these smudged canvas skies,
Watching them turn from azure blue to the welcoming monochrome,
I cant help but think; there has to to be something greater than –
The energy viaducts which suck the life from the earth –
The unlimited, ultimate TV and data packages.
Its hard to believe that people would rather stop to look at their phones –
then to look the world pass them by.
Trapped within their realm of fake reality – personal totalitarianism.
I knew our eyes felt something more than intimate from their brief encounter,
across the hazed floor. If I could only speak what I wanted.
I wouldn’t have to rely on that.
A fox going in and out of my feet,
the children on the street,
Dancing to their own beat,
I thought I knew what I was looking for
But maybe I don’t know, at least not anymore .
Those attached terrace houses,
The shady brick work,
You know the kind –
That might make you wanna move,
Move somewhere down south,
Where all the brick work is fine.
Corrupted the crops.
Crops were picked – The destroyed lot.
One mother of nasty bliss.
But the real ‘Bliss’ didn’t reach those kids.
They’ll never be a stop.
At one click – they drop.
Dispense and dissolve particles of life.
The children, they suffer and cry throughout their nights.
In which we cannot plus.
Donald Trump, George Bush, The Clintons which the uneducated trust.
Three and three equals seven in a world so corrupt.
My nightmares are haunted by your beauty.
I lay awake well past the early hours,
I am surrounded by your whispers of my name.
An echo of a memory on repeat.
An echo of a never ending fantasy.
But an echo which day-to-day grows closer to fading away.
I can smell you on my sheets.
Though they’ve been cleaned one thousand times since you left.
I can recall you in my mind.
I can feel your warmth by my side.
And I can see your smile.
Though I don’t discard the truth.
The truth as to why I deserved to lose.
I just hope I never lose these real thoughts that I have of you.
I’ve spent many nights away from her
I have tarnished all my thoughts.
We asked for the revolution.
But, we were left with the war.
We looked in one another’s eyes –
and, the love still roared.
I picture you beside me still,
though I try to hide the proof.
You enquired about religion,
when I asked for the truth.
Then we fell – sat upon these floors
And I was still much surer then –
That the love of ours still roared.
I really need someone,
to watch the Azura nights
and the darkened gaze,
to stop the world from falling into those on coming waves.
I really need someone
to think about on my lonesome days,
someone to love,
When truth is found to live freely our own way.
Someone to hang on
when my thoughts are heavy
and my legs aren’t too strong,
to kiss beneath linen sheets where most men were wrong.
I need someone
to break my chains
and free me to follow on
to love and to be loved, to hide as if loving you were wrong.
I think about you now and then
but I don’t know your name,
you’re always inside my head
keeping me up in the endless howling rain.
If I could ask for why you smile
Would you smile at me again?
Would you hand me down your dress
and save me from my pain?
For I know i loved you.
As soon as I saw your face.
I really need someone like you.
We shared a kiss upon
A slip stream of bliss.
I’m sure everybody’s heard of this
You caught me in-between all your wit.
You got me so high
How’d you expect me to climb back down.
I’m sure I am able to cope
Without you your soul around.
In that back catalogue
Of this sunny afternoon.
I’m having to get lit
To remain in the mood.
And, Isn’t it funny what we’ll do
Just to bite one another lips.
To the sound of somebody else’s tune.
I don’t know who I am –
I don’t know what I am for
But these unknown pleasures –
these unknown thoughts want more.
And I’m not too sure –
I’m what they’re looking for.
My windowsill is black –
My life could just be a gas –
All I see –
And All I do don’t satisfy.
Are these thoughts I’m feeling –
Part of I.
The echo voices are near –
From somewhere close to here
But these unknown pleasures –
These unknown thoughts they aren’t mine.
And I’m not too sure –
What keeps me up at night.
This unknown world,
Those unknown thoughts –
Which nobody knows.
These unknown pleasure,
These unknown thoughts are mine.
Waiting for the alarm clock,
To wake me from a sleepless night.
Untouched gravel outside,
Awaiting the restless feet of the passerby.
Where are you – when I’m waiting?
You know I’m a fool for you.
I fell in love with you before I understood.
We are an unnatural selection,
We can try and create excuses.
But, we naturally selected – one another
– to join our unnatural lives,
in hope of a natural feeling.
The bridge of thorns.
The one I walk across to reach your crown.
I can handle your thoughts –
Can you handle mine?
These four walls –
Spell loneliness but speak freedom.
The gates are open –
But this door doesn’t lead to Eden.
The fucking apple was eaten –
The fucking apple was eaten –
The apple is the core of all this freedom but
no one will tell you, that selfish attitude –
was something we were all needing.
Its easy to point your finger at something –
Which you don’t believe in.
And its hard to get over someone –
You never thought was leaving.
But these four walls spell loneliness
But speak freedom.
There was an old Elvis impersonator,
who barely fit the clothes,
the lenses of his shades broken,
and his voice not the proper tone.
There was a couple who were to be married,
but hadn’t spoke a word,
eyes facing opposite sides,
neither where they preferred.
I thought about you in the candlelight,
as the sun eclipsed my moon,
I waltz all through the night,
even on my own.
You made me more than happy,
catching kisses you had blown,
as I see the world from sidelines,
From our cement brick home.
I might of skipped the part when you said you loved me
Jumping in and out of all the those jokes
I always try to think about you nicely,
But, I haven’t any thoughts of you with clothes.
You told me it would be forever
I told you, it’s the way it goes
Don’t try and think of me tonight girl
Cos in them thoughts you’ll be all alone.
Airdropping acid for soldiers on the lines.
Allowing them time to escape their minds.
Whilst the General hands them fines.
Fines, for pornographic photographs,
Of lovers on their shrines.
I had shaved my head,
and I took upon yours,
I have travelled on tours,
and kept my lips shut,
I have lived in the shades,
and ignored the war at gates.
The war between the people,
who don’t know love or hate.
I haven’t yet seen it all.
My hair has grown back,
my services done.
The war between two people,
still going on.
I can see through your lies,
see through your shame.
Just as I see through,
my windows panes.
I haven’t yet seen it all.
Many moons have passed.
Yet you’re all still expecting answers to the questions asked.
Ignoring the sun shine. Ignoring the real down dirt.
You’re all the same –
The last kinda breath you take.
before the bittersweet dirt hits you in your sweet face.
I don’t have the answers. I don’t even have the time.
We’re all the same –
How many films will be based on your life?
Do you find the time to make it memorable.
Or are you in your cave –
Awaiting someone to entertain you.
Trapped beneath the rumble of thunder.
People tell me to get outta my mind.
How can I get outta there when you are in my head?
They call you crazy because they’re too afraid of being themselves.
People don’t understand the luxury of individuality.
You don’t need that.
Nor the things you think you want.
It’d be nice for a few extra days of materialised happiness, sure.
Or, you could be yourself.
The love and the loving.
Create real happiness not commercial.
You can’t discuss beauty,
Without understanding the other side.
There was no place for me,
Except anywhere I put myself.
Any situation with the wrong people,
Was the right place for me.
You aren’t the mistakes you made but you are what you did after.
The look upon their faces when they were refused entry into that club. You know –
One of them clubs with your environmental aspects of your unfavourite shows.
The sweet, smell of sweat and temptation in the atmosphere. I could decide where I was by that presence alone. The disappointment in the growls of the disappointed people was just a back up.
The lights flashing like a mini Shanghai in your POV retina display. Like an advert from the telemarketing channel – A breakdown in communication, one could say.
It was a place where everybody could enjoy their blow with shaky aberrations.
The thrown together compartment of isolated security.
Then, as the night progresses. The night begun to spin off to the sound of a repetitive drum and embers of light begun beaconing above the skyline of the city.
I watch from the sidelines and assess what it is, what I don’t know.
Watching girl, boy, dog, cat, car, the late night closing cafe bars.
Drunkards spitting their tongues with a giant ‘Uh ah!’
All these people uncertain with where they are.
Its hard to pin point the realistic thoughts within today’s society –
Alongside the intangible fantasies that one person might have.
Its hard to be good and it’s ever so easy to be bad.
For in this life time I have failed you but in the next I won’t give it half a chance.
One thing time has allowed me to realise is who the fuck cares for anything else.
I relive heartbreak day in-and out.
I think about your hair, and the kisses –
You gave me.
I think about your hand running along my back.
And the laugh I helped produce –
And soon as I see happiness,
As soon I experience it –
I realise everything I’ve lost about you.
And it’s been that way for years now,
But that just doesn’t change the way I feel.
One makes mistakes, and yes, I made a few.
But no matter how many people I have.
There’s only ever going to be you.
VIII – Last September
Twas a hot September and our feet were full of mud,
I had to find my way back to that place I already was.
My mind was frying in this September Sun,
Face painted warriors from the voids of none.
I thought about religion but that left answers undone,
I thought about the worlds flowers from our garden dug.
I thought about you and everyone I’ve ever loved,
As you set up camp behind my eyes and sung your song, unsung.
The skies started to open and the rattlesnakes begun to fall,
I had to get off this hill, I was not a fool like I was before.
I’ve left many places and friends far behind,
That blockade of tanks barricading us on the enemy line.
They were building the walls around our necks,
And telling us “it’ll all be fine.”
Segregating you from all the rest,
“I tell you now, the people of this world, are all mine.”
I’ve read it in the papers.
I’ve seen it on the news.
I have many thoughts and visions of the truth.
I could grasp the world with my hands –
And hand it onto you.
For this place, that we live –
We are all followers to somebodies else’s rules.
VII – Stolen Wallpaper
The isolated wallpaper –
falling from the chamber maids thigh.
i’ve seen these prints before.
Perhaps, we’re on a similar line.
Therefore I followed her –
Corridor after corridor of glossed over lies.
“The new religion is not believing”
She shouted whilst giving me the eye.
“The truth will never set us free”
I’m pretty sure, she was blind.
“How can everyone but us believe”
I cut her off there – perhaps we weren’t so entwined.
I gathered my stolen wallpaper and left, immediately.
VI – The Call Of The Void
You are dangerous,
I thought you’d know – at least by now.
And I’ve dreamt about you – at least almost every other night.
And there you are – sat on your throne of
Broken hearts, now I must find the strength to depart.
I hear every sound.
Though the tales all blur –
into one of them dreams which make little sense.
Trying to recite every piece only to find out –
Everybody’s stories are your own.
Take the night –
we have the day.
The nightmares of the working ways,
we state we’re free –
yet proof states otherwise.
Another day passes –
another person lies.
We lock eyes –
from across this plane.
The room has darkened,
and only we remain.
I’d be foolish to believe –
that I’m a fool.
I’m working my hands like I always do.
She was beautiful.
We related on more than just our eyes.
Never had I seen the beauty.
Until I saw her grin.
Though we’d disagree, from time to time –
I’d sin, for you.
When I look in the mirror,
It’s a world that shouldn’t exist.
If the opposite of me smiles,
Then I shouldn’t.
© All Poetry by H. Roe (unless stated otherwise)